ANNMARIE KELLY HARBAUGH

Ashland MFA Alumnus

KNIVES OVER FORKS

1.

My Irish father never saw Italy.
Instead, he wandered that country cinematically—
Godfather-forked pasta, tangled vineyards, and ire,
then married into its ferocity,
hot-tempered women,
and sauce.  

He offered my mother Mediterranean cruises, sun-drenched ruins, Venetian drink.
“Let’s sup on squid-ink, oiled ciabatta, pesto shrimp,” he’d plea.
She rejected his dreams in favor of Americanized Italiano,
the only absolute she’d ever known. 

Dad never protested, never argued,
never tasted a Tuscan sun. 

2.

When you have brain surgery, they remove the tumor,
also your memories.
When my father awoke from his, he’d forgotten my name.
I was his mother, his sister, his nurse,
but seldom his daughter again. 

A Renaissance man, he'd always foregone crass masculinity,
carried a handkerchief,
did not spit, throw punches, or curse.
But when he awoke to
blood-soaked bandages,
an itchy catheter,
socks tethered to bed rails and an alarm,
he asked his nurse (me)
how to “take a piss.”  

How I marveled at this stranger’s familiarity. 

3.

My mother did not minister to my father in hospital,
the chairs were not comfortable,
she said.
Rather, she joined at mealtimes,
ordering the food for him that she liked best,
recovering herself to sup on his meat and bread. 

Her Italian surname, Scarpitti, derives from la scarpa,
which means “little shoe,”
but I grew up believing it was akin to scalpel, “little knife.”
This was both incorrect and true.
The “little shoe” is the last morsel of bread
for soaking up sauce from your plate,
a peasant’s only luxury,
to extend sustenance past sunset,
to savor bounty and time. 

He gave my mother the sauce from his plate.
She swallowed it all
and left nothing
for him.

__________

ANNMARIE KELLY HARBAUGH IS THE AUTHOR OF HERE BE DRAGONS: A PARENT’S GUIDE, A MEMOIR ABOUT THE SWEET AND WONDERFUL MISERY OF RAISING CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE. SHE IS ALSO THE HOST OF WILD PRECIOUS LIFE, A LITERARY PODCAST ABOUT MAKING THE MOST OF THE TIME WE HAVE. HER ESSAYS HAVE APPEARED ON NPR’S ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, IN GORDON SQUARE REVIEW, AND THE NEW YORK OBSERVER. SHE LIVES IN CLEVELAND, OHIO, WHERE SHE IS CURRENTLY QUERYING A YA NOVEL ABOUT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL TRUTH IN THE LIES WE TELL.